


yule shoot your eye out

by differentsnowflake



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Good Parent Ray Molina, M/M, Ray Molina Adopts The Phantoms, Religious Conflict, i just love Ray, it's really angsty and then really fluffy there's no point in between, this is so cheesy wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28280160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: It's not that Alex hates Christmas. It's just that everyone's so damn happy and Christmas brings up a lot of bad memories for him and he doesn't feel like celebrating everything that he's lost.Willie's never celebrated Christmas before. But he wants to be there for Alex, and after Ray invites him to spend Christmas with them, he can't say no.In which Christmas can be better when you let go of the past and you start focusing on creating new memories with the people you love.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina, Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 170





	yule shoot your eye out

**Author's Note:**

> yes, this is me writing another self-indulgent cheesy Willex fanfic.  
> DISCLAIMER: Alex's experience with a really religious Christmas comes from my personal experience with it.  
> Also, Alex's mentioned backstory comes from my other fic "all the time in the world" but you don't have to read it to understand any of this.
> 
> title comes from a fall out boy song

"Why do you hate Christmas?"

Alex rolls his eyes at Reggie's question. He doesn't hate Christmas, not really. It's just that- it's _complicated_. Memories start swirling through his mind every time he hears the word Christmas, and everything becomes yelling and praying and loud music and the smell of vanilla and a broken family, its sharp pieces hiding what used to be his favorite time of the year. After all, his last Christmas was just a couple of months ago for him, even if it's been twenty-five years since he was alive. Whatever.

He knows it's different now. Everything has changed so much since they became ghosts, and now he has Julie and Willie and Julie's family and music and he wishes he could be as excited as everyone else is, but it still hurts. A little. A lot.

"I don't _hate_ Christmas, dude," Alex answers, putting down a cardboard box. Ray asked them to take all of the Christmas decorations down from their attic, and Alex can't believe they have this many. They definitely have a lot of work to do. "I just, I don't know. I don't like it as much as you do."

Luke shakes his head. "This is my first Christmas since everything went down with my parents," he says, picking another box up. "And it's going to be perfect. Now that Ray and Carlos can see us and we're all a family. So you have to be happy too, dude. You're not allowed to mope."

"I'm not moping!" Alex lets out in a scream, and Reggie rolls his eyes exaggeratedly at him, scoffing.

"You _so_ are moping."

"Shut up."

Alex really wishes he could explain it all, but he hasn't exactly told anyone why he feels this way about Christmas now. He's not quite ready for that, he's always hated talking about everything that went down with his family. He spent his last months of life ignoring it and focusing on the band, and now everyone's talking about family and love and union and Alex has to admit that even if he does have all of that, he used to have it in another way too, and now it's all gone with no chance of getting it back, like he always silently hoped, so _excuse him_ if he doesn't feel like celebrating.

"Put these lights on before I put them around you," Luke tells him, handing him a tangle of Christmas lights, and Alex groans.

"Dude," Reggie insists, and he suddenly sounds a little more serious. "This Christmas is special for all of us, alright? Specially for Julie and Carlos and Ray. You know that."

And yeah, Alex knows that, and he starts feeling a little bad. Last Christmas was awful for the Molinas because Rose had just died and he can't even imagine how hard it must've been for them, but they're still willing to celebrate and decorate and cook and make everything as nice as possible, and Alex has to try. For them.

"Alright," he lets out in a sigh, trying to untangle the mess of lights. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Luke grins and passes his arm around his shoulders. "Atta boy. You're the tallest one, man, we can't do this without you."

Alex snorts.

"It's not my fault you two are really short."

That afternoon, before band practice, he hangs out with Willie at the beach, as always. They've been doing this for months now, and Alex loves it. They just sit and talk and watch the waves hit the shore and the sun slowly disappear. They lie down on the sand and they hold hands and it's a little cheesy, but Alex never thought he'd have the chance to do this, to just _be,_ and he's going to enjoy it.

He and Willie aren't officially dating, not exactly, but it's been months since they played the Orpheum and since Caleb suddenly stopped being a problem, and a part of Alex feels like the other shoe is about to drop, but he likes this. Just being a band and having a family to hang out with and writing songs, playing music and being with Wilie all day. There's nothing else to do but Alex _doesn't_ want to do anything else.

The streets they walked through to get to the beach are full of bright lights and carols and a lot of people discussing plans and gifts and dinners, and Alex briefly remembers why he likes Christmas so much. _Liked._ Whatever.

They're sitting together, their fingers intertwined, and the wind shakes Willie's hair and it falls all around his face but he doesn't seem to care. Then Willie squeezes his hand a little and looks at him with an eyebrow raised.

"You seem- I don't know. Worried. Like you're overthinking."

Alex shrugs. "It doesn't matter."

Willie frowns and punches him softly in the shoulder. "We've talked about this. You can tell me anything, it always matters."

Alex feels himself smiling a little and, just because he can and he wants to, he lies his head against Willie's shoulder.

"It's Christmas," he says simply.

"Dude, it's like- December 12th." Alex rolls his eyes.

"I know that, you idiot, but it's like- that time of the year. And the guys want to make a big- you know, celebration of some sorts, and they're all excited and happy and I know I'm being stupid but I just like- I think I don't like Christmas anymore," he admits, hiding his face against Willie's shirt because he doesn't want to see his reaction.

He hears Willie hum. "Well, I've never celebrated Christmas before, so you're gonna have to explain it to me."

That grabs his attention.

"You don't do Christmas?" He asks, looking up at him. Willie just shrugs.

"Not really. My parents didn't 'believe in it' or something. We used to travel, go camping or fishing, to get away from the whole thing. It was fun."

Alex nods slightly. "Dude, my family _loved_ Christmas."

Willie squeezes his hand again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alex thinks about it for a little while. He's told Willie a couple of things about his family before, and Willie has told him about his, but they always seem to be talking about the present or the future, and Alex likes to think that, with him, their past doesn't matter. But he also needs to vent, and it's ridiculously easy to talk to him, so he sighs a little and nods.

"They were really catholic. Like, really, _really_ catholic. We used to do advent, and we had to pray our way to Christmas. Every Sunday, starting four weeks before. They invited friends over or we went to other people's house just to _pray._ But I didn't hate it. I don't know why, but it was kind of exciting. My church did this house decorations contest and my parents always won. We used to put up the decorations in freaking November, dude."

Memories start flooding his mind, and now he just can't stop talking.

"My little sister was in the church choir," he continues. "And they did these charity concerts and I used to play drums for their carols. Actually, I learned to play drums because of the Christmas concerts, because they needed a drummer and I was twelve and bored and my mom told me it'd helped me get into heaven," he can't help but laugh a little, because he's dead now, and no, it didn't. He's not in heaven. "We had an eight-feet-tall fake tree and when we were kids my siblings and I fought all the time to decide who would put the star on it. My mom would let us all put it at the same time, but we still fought."

"You had an older brother and a little sister, right?" Willie asks, soft and calm, and Alex nods.

"Yeah. Danny was five years older than me and Lea was three years younger. Anyway, Christmas was my favorite part of the year. I loved doing our Christmas Nativity."

"What's that?"

"Oh, right. Um, well, you recreate Jesus' birth with little toys."

"That's weird," Alex laughs at Willie's comment, because yeah, he supposes it is.

"I know. But ours was huge, dude, there was also a contest, and my parents always won, like I said. We had every person and animal and a bunch of cities. You're supposed to have like, a cow and a donkey but we also had penguins and giraffes and polar bears and everything we could find. Frogs and llamas and Danny insisted on a dragon, but my parents drew the line there," he lets out in a snort, because he remembers Danny's insistence and his mom's cold stare and his dad's begging eyes.

"You had llamas in your Jesus' birth?" Willie raises an eyebrow at him and Alex pushes him a little.

"It was beautiful. I wish you could've seen it. Everyone from the church came to see it every year. My house became a little attraction. And my church didn't believe in Santa Claus and all that stuff but my parents always indulged us with that. They used to tell me that baby Jesus gave our gifts to Santa and that Santa was just the mail man," he lets out between a chuckle. "Actually, Luke was the one who told me that Santa wasn't real, when we were like, ten or something."

Willie hums again. "So you loved Christmas?"

"Yeah. I did. There was this long-ass mass we had to go every Christmas eve. It lasted all night, dude, and we had to stay awake praying until the sun came up and it was awful. But then we used to go home and we had hot chocolate and cookies and there were always gifts under the tree. My mom bought vanilla candles for that time of the year. And we watched movies and- I don't know," then he's suddenly sad again, because all of that was ripped away from him, way before he died. It was ripped away when he was forced to come out and when his parents told him to not come back until he realized how _sick_ he was. And Alex never came back. And now he'll never do.

Willie seems to sense his change of demeanor, because he surrounds him with his arm and his palm is warm and steady against his back. Alex sighs a little.

"Do you miss them?"

Alex shrugs.

"Not really. I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I miss the good parts, but then it all fell apart and now it just hurts. I always knew they wouldn't be okay with my sexuality, but then they basically kicked me out and I don't know why I associate Christmas with it. It's all about memories that were good until they weren't. Dude, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm sorry-"

"Hey, Alex, c'mon," Willie draws him in a tight, sided-hug, and Alex lets himself be squished. "Don't apologize. I get it."

Alex nods a little.

"But yeah, that's the thing. And I don't want to ruin Christmas for anybody but I also don't want to act like everything's okay because it's _not."_

"It's okay if you don't feel like a celebrating, dude. Just tell them, okay? I'm sure they'll understand." Willie's words make sense, but he shakes his head.

"I just want to try. For them. I owe them that."

Willie seems to think about it for a second, and Alex is about to ask him if maybe he wants to spend Christmas with them, but then he realizes it's a stupid idea. Willie literally just told him that he doesn't celebrate Christmas and he doesn't want to make him uncomfortable either, so he'll just have to suck it up.

"You'll do great," Willie tells him finally, offering a big smile and Alex's heart melts a little. "I promise."

"Okay," Alex agrees. "If you promise."

* * *

Willie has to admit that Alex is great at a lot of things. He can play drums and he can sing and dance and he's a really good listener. But he can't lie.

His face always scrunches up when he says something he doesn't mean, and he hunches all over himself when he pretends to be happy even if it's obvious he's uncomfortable. His eyes get a little clouded when he's anxious and he always starts fidgeting. He can't hide all of that, even if he smiles and helps around the house wearing that stupid little Santa hat.

Willie wishes he could do something about it, but Alex is determined to pretend everything's okay and push all of his feelings down and he'd never thought Alex could be so damn stubborn. He had asked Alex if he wanted to go in a little trip with him, to the woods or a mountain or wherever he could forget it's Christmas, like his parents used to do because they hated it, but Alex had shaken his head and told him that he _wanted_ to spend it with the Molinas and the guys.

But Willie can tell Alex is sad. It's Christmas eve tomorrow and they're hanging in the studio. There's a tree in one corner of the room, over-decorated and saturated with color but the band made it and Alex told him he actually had fun setting it up, so he guesses that's good. Reggie and Luke are wearing Christmas sweaters for some reason and Flynn and Julie have reindeer antlers on and there's some Christmas music playing in the background and it's nice. Willie likes it.

It's just like in the movies, and he always thought these kinds of scenes only happened in them. His parents would've hated it.

But Alex is gripping his drum sticks so tight his knuckles are pale and he briefly wonders what's wrong until he smells the vague vanilla scent and he knows it must be bothering him. He watches slowly as tension builds up inside Alex and then he stands up and leaves the studio in a hurry.

No one says anything.

Julie turns to look at him -apparently, she can see all ghosts, and now she can make ghost visible to whoever she wants, and that's why her family and Flynn can see all of them- and Willie nods and leaves the studio too. Alex is outside, sitting on the floor with his head hidden between his knees, and Willie sits beside him and says nothing.

"I'm sorry," Alex croaks after a little. "I'm ruining everything for everyone."

Willie shakes his head and takes his hand. "We've talked about this; you're not ruining anything."

"I went home last night," Alex's words are sudden and rushed and they leave Willie a little shocked.

"Oh," he manages to say. "You did? I thought you weren't feeling ready for that."

Alex nods. "I wasn't. I was just sad and I wanted to see if they still decorated the house. So I went and I saw it from afar but then I chickened out and left. I don't know if I wanna see them ever again."

"That's fair," Willie responds, because it's the only thing he can think of. "And do they?"

"Huh?"

"Do they still decorate the house?"

Alex raises his head. There are a couple of tears forming in his eyes but he cleans them and he clears his throat. "Yeah. They do."

They stay silent for another while, and then Alex sighs and stands up. "Let's go back in there."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm okay now. I promised the guys we'd make some Christmas covers. I could use some drumming."

Willie stands up too. "Okay. I like seeing you play."

Alex smiles a little and pushes him lightly.

Three hours later, while Willie's leaving the studio, Julie and Ray approach him. They seem kind of nervous and Willie waves a little, not sure of what to do. He hasn't spoken to Ray much, he just knows that he's kind of adopted Alex and Luke and Reggie and that he's supportive and cool and Willie likes him a lot.

"Willie, wait!" Julie calls him, a shy smile on her face. Willie stops his skateboard and gets down, playing with his helmet.

"Yeah?"

Ray clears his throat. "What are you going to do on Christmas?"

The question shocks him a little. "Um. Nothing, I guess. I've never done Christmas before, so I usually go to the skateparks because they're empty and sometimes I spent it at Caleb's club because he threw a show, but now that's over so- yeah. Nothing."

"Would you like to spend Christmas with us?"

"Oh."

His heart instantly warms and words disappear from his mouth, because no one has asked him that before. It's nice. He'd never thought about it before, and he wants to say yes so bad, but he has to make sure that the Molinas actually want to spend Christmas with him and that they're not asking just to be nice.

"You... you want me to spend Christmas with you?"

Ray chuckles a little. "Of course we do. You're Alex's, um-" he stops for a second, and Willie hides his smile because Ray's struggling to find the words. "Alex's especial friend," he says at the end. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. "So that means you're a part of the family, and Christmas is about family."

Willie nods a little. "Um, I'd love to. Does- does Alex know?"

Julie purses her lips a little and then shrugs. "It's kind of a surprise? We know he's been struggling, and we want to make everything as comfortable for him as possible. And you're really good for him, so maybe having you there with us will help him. And we don't want you to be alone either."

Julie's words make Willie kind of want to cry, because no one's ever- he's never been close to people before, not really. He always assumed picture-perfect families and friendships weren't real, not completely, but the Molinas are all so nice and close and understanding and they care so much about Alex. They care so much about _him._

"Thank you," his voice is a whisper. "That- that means a lot to me. And to Alex, I'm sure."

Ray nods. "You kids deserve to have a good time. Come tomorrow at night for dinner. We know you guys don't really sleep so we're planning to stay up all night watching Christmas movies."

"Should I bring something?" And it's stupid because he's a fucking ghost and he _can't_ bring anything, it's not like he _has_ anything, but Ray and Julie laugh and shake their heads.

"No, kid, you don't have to do anything. Just come and have a good time with us."

"That I can do," Willie says with a smile, and even after he skates away and Julie's house disappears behind him, he's still smiling.

* * *

"Dude, that's not how you sing the song!" Luke screams, and Alex can't help but let out a laugh. Julie pushes Luke and makes a face at him.

"This is how I sing it, so suck it up."

"Those are not the lyrics!" Luke insists, and Julie rolls her eyes.

"Alex," she asks, staring at him. "Tell your friend I'm right and that he's wrong."

Alex doesn't really want to enter the little fight between Julie and Luke, but they're all sitting around the table and everyone's staring at him so he nods slowly.

"Julie's right. You've got the verses wrong."

Luke opens his mouth and gasps a little, looking hurt. "You're supposed to have my back even if I'm wrong, dude! That's what best friends are for."

"Julie's my best friend now," he answers, just because annoying Luke is funny. Luke throws a pillow at him and Reggie laughs.

"What?" Luke asks, staring at Reggie. "Is Julie also your best friend now?"

Reggie nods with a smug smile. "Julie's much cooler than you." Julie raises her hands and Reggie and Alex hi-five her.

"I hate you all!"

"Okay, kids, stop fighting," Ray mutters, staring up from his deck of cards. They're supposed to be playing poker, but they all suck at it, except for Carlos and Reggie, for some reason. Alex still doesn't get the game, but he's sure that he's losing.

It's nice. It's way nicer than he'd though it'd be. There's a movie playing in the background and the house smells like gingerbread now, because Reggie seemed to remember his house used to smell like Ray's candles on Christmas, and realized that it was probably making him sad, (it was, but he's not going to admit it,) so Ray took away all of the vanilla candles and replaced them with gingerbread ones, and Alex wishes he could hug him, but he can't, and sometimes he hates being a ghost.

"I can't believe it's six already," Ray says suddenly. "I need to get the potatoes in the oven or Victoria is going to kill me," he puts down his cards, and he has four Aces, and Alex groans along with the rest of the guys. Ray picks up his little prize, that it's just three dollars and some chewing gum, but still a prize that they wanted after all. "I win. Now, c'mon, Carlos, help me in the kitchen."

Ray and Carlos leave for the kitchen and Reggie drops his cards, pouting.

"I don't like this game anymore," he mutters, and Luke rolls his eyes fondly.

"Let's play another thing then."

They're in the middle of trying to build a house of cards when Willie poofs into the room. He scares Luke, who loses his focus and he drops the cards he's holding and their house comes crashing down.

"Sorry," Willie says with a shy smile. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Alex advances towards him and he only realizes he's smiling when he catches his reflection in the mirror.

"Hi," he says. "What- what are you doing here?"

Willie grins and nods towards Julie. "She invited me."

"You did?" Alex asks, looking at Julie. She nods and Alex wants to hug her so bad. "So you're going to spend Christmas with us?"

Willie chuckles a little. "I mean, if you want me to-"

Alex hugs him, because he loves hugs and because he can and because suddenly Christmas seems a little better. Willie hugs him back and it feels so nice and he doesn't care that the guys are watching.

"Of course I want you to."

"Good."

Willie sits with them and they end up playing another cards game until Reggie and Luke start fighting because they can't decide who's the worst, and Julie sighs and takes the cards away from them and mutters something about how annoying they all are. Then she brings a gingerbread house and tells them to decorate them.

He briefly remembers his mom's sweet smile and the way she wanted the gingerbread houses to be perfect, and she didn't really let them do what they wanted with them, they had to make them the way she wanted and maybe that's how life worked for her and when she realized she couldn't control _him_ everything blew up. But whatever.

Willie is actually ridiculously good at making gingerbread houses, even if he's never decorated one before, and compared to the mess his house is, Willie's is a masterpiece. Luke and Reggie tried to do one together but at the end it's just a mess of gummy bears and candy cones that slowly falls apart. Julie's is prettier, but at the end they decide Willie's is the best one and they eat the others.

Then they try to help Ray in the kitchen, even if they don't eat and the kitchen's way too small for all seven of them. Tía Victoria is bringing most of the food, but they're supposed to bake the potatoes and do the salad but they totally fail and Ray ends up politely asking them to leave.

Then eight o'clock comes around and Alex feels bad because that's when his family always left for Christmas mass, and he's thought about going to mass and see how everyone from his church is doing, but he's aware that it's a bad idea and that everyone has moved on. He's not ready to process the way everything has changed. It's been twenty-five years, after all, and the fact that Alex hasn't moved on doesn't mean that the world has stayed the same. Everything he knew is gone, like a sand castle that has been washed away by rogue, nocturn waves, and seeing the wreckage of what used to be his life just makes him sad.

But then Ray is telling them that they'll go for a drive to see the decorated houses and Alex can't say no. They get in Ray's car, Julie in the front seat, Carlos beside them and four ghosts squished together as best as they can. But it's nice, and they put some music on and they sing and the city's lights are nice and yeah, Alex remembers what everything used to be like, but he's enjoying this too, especially because his friend's voices are loud and daring and confident and because Willie's holding his hand and maybe they're dead but his presence is warm against him and the changes suddenly don't seem so bad.

Tía Victoria is waiting for them when they get back home. She's holding a lot of food and Alex wishes he could eat. They come inside the house and they set up the table, (a new one, because they need a lot more space in it now that him, Luke and Reggie always have dinner with them even if they don't eat, they just sit and watch and talk and it's nice,) Tía Victoria asks why didn't they put up their Nativity set, and Alex's blood freezes. (He's _aware_ that he doesn't have blood anymore, but that's what it feels like.)

"Oh," Ray explains, waving his hand a little. "It was just a lot of work. We're doing things a little different this year, because of the boys."

Alex knows Ray's talking about him, and he doesn't know how he knows that Nativity sets remind him of his family and he's not sure if it's a good or a bad thing. He's thankful, though, because he thinks he wouldn’t have been able to see a Nativity set without crying.

Tía Victoria stares at them a little. She's still getting used to the idea that his brother-in-law has kind of adopted three dead teenagers, but Alex likes to think she's warming up to them. "Bueno," she mutters. "That's fair. Who's hungry?"

Reggie raises his hand, and Luke puts it down with an eye roll.

The dinner is nice. They talk and laugh and Willie rests his hand on his thigh under the table and Alex tries really hard not to flush. He was a little afraid that Willie would feel uncomfortable because even if he spends a lot of time with him and the band he's never really hanged with Julie's family, but they get along just fine, because Willie is really smooth and always knows what to say and he's confident in a way Alex could never be.

They laugh and they watch the Molinas eat and then they clean the table and go over to the living room and watch some more movies. Carlos says goodbye first and then Tía Victoria leaves for the guest bedroom and then Ray leaves after telling them to behave.

Nights are weird for them, because ghosts don't sleep, not exactly, but they do get kind-of-tired and just for the sake of normalcy, they end up trying to sleep every night. By four a.m., Julie falls asleep against Luke's shoulder.

They also have _something_ going on, but none of them knows what it is exactly, and Alex can relate, so they just kind of enjoy and don't talk about it.

Willie and him end up in the one-person-couch together, pressed against each other. Willie's head is resting against his chest and Alex hugs him and they stay like that until the sun comes up.

"Do you think they're awake now?" Reggie asks him in a whisper, and Alex rolls his eyes a little.

"It's like five a.m., Reg, give them a little longer." Willie hums against his chest and Alex lets one of his hands dance through his hair.

Reggie pouts a little. "But it's Christmas."

Luke looks up at him with a smile. "Merry Christmas," he whispers.

"Merry Christmas," Alex repeats.

Willie looks up at him with a smile and Alex can't help but cup his face and stare intensely at him. "Merry Christmas," Willie tells him, and Alex wants to kiss him, so bad, but they've only kissed once before when they broke Caleb's power over Willie's soul, and they haven't talked about it, so Alex settles for this and a little hug and a huge grin.

"You guys are disgusting," Reggie complains, crossing his arms. Alex laughs and grabs a pillow and throws it at Reggie, but it just passes right through him and Reggie sticks his tongue out and throws the pillow back.

While they wait for the Molinas to wake up so they can start unwrapping the ton of presents under the tree, Alex prays. He doesn't know why, because he's kind of lost his faith a little, given the fact that he's dead and there's no god or heaven or baby Jesus. But he does it for himself, because it comforts him and because he's _used_ to it, even if praying reminds him of those nights he spent crying in his room, asking desperately for a god to answer his questions, to tell him why he had made him like _that_. But he's _so_ not going to think about that right now, because it's Christmas and he's supposed to be happy.

Ray, Julie, Carlos and Tía Victoria are all up by seven a.m. They open gifts one by one. Ray has gotten each one of them a gift, and Alex stares at his for a little while and mutters a thank you because he really doesn't know what else to say.

He, Reggie and Luke put a lot of effort into getting presents for every member of the Molina family, but they don't have any money or experience and they're ghosts, so their gifts aren't the best, but all of them smile and Julie gives each of them a hug and Ray tells them he wishes he could hug them too and Carlos and Victoria nod and Alex is so _happy._

At the end, there's only one gift left under the tree, and Carlos grabs it and hands it to Willie.

Willie stares at Carlos and then at Julie and then at Ray and then at him, and he seems so shocked it's almost funny.

"That's for me?" He asks in a whisper.

Ray nods enthusiastically.

"Of course, kid. Everyone gets a gift."

"This is- um- wow. I don't know what to say. Thank you," Willie says with a shy smile, suddenly not so confident, and Alex realizes this must be his first Christmas gift ever, and he's glad he's gotten it like this. They all stare at Willie as he unwraps the medium-size box with slightly shaking fingers.

"Oh," Willie says before bursting out laughing. It's a helmet.

Ray laughs a little too. "Listen, I know you don't need a helmet anymore, but the one you're always wearing it's cracked and we figured you could use a new one."

Alex's kind of jealous that the idea didn't occur to him, because it's a great gift. Willie seems to agree because he hugs the helmet close to his chest and lets out the most heartfelt thank you Alex's heard in his life.

The Molinas have breakfast and then they go to the studio and they play a little while Willie, Ray and Carlos listen. After that they go back to the house and Tía Victoria leaves for mass and she takes Carlos with her. She asks them if any of them wants to go with her, and Alex's really tempted to raise his hand and say 'me', because that's what he feels he should be doing, and he feels a little guilty about forgetting everything that's been taught to him, but the truth is that he _doesn't_ want to, and that's when he realizes that he actually has a choice. He can _choose_ to pray or not, he can _choose_ to go or not, and it feels good.

His parents were always strict about religion, and he hated it a little, especially when he realized that everyone at the church who agreed with father Johnson hated him without even knowing it. But now he's free of that, he's free of that guilt and those rules and he can _choose_ what to do with his faith. Everyone should be able to do that.

And he chooses not to go, because he's scared and he's trying to leave the past behind and because if he stays there's Luke and Reggie and Julie and Willie, and because there's always a tomorrow, and if he ever feels like reconnecting with a part of himself, he can do it. It'll just take some time.

They end up playing Just Dance, because it's fun and it's a practical way to learn new music. Alex loves it, and he has to admit that he's _really_ good at it, and maybe he spends hours learning the routines and trying to get a perfect score, but it's only because he has a lot of free time.

It turns out that Willie's also great at it, and it quickly becomes a competition between the two of them. Julie, Luke and Reggie cheer from the couch and Alex laughs and Willie laughs too while they dance to the beat of the song. Alex wins at the end, but a part of him knows that Willie lost on purpose. He doesn't mind.

Then Luke and Reggie start trying to dance a ridiculous song, and while they're busy being _idiots,_ Alex asks Julie if he can talk to her alone for a moment.

Julie nods with a confused smile and Alex squeezes Willie's hand before leaving. They climb the stairs towards Julie's room, and then she closes the door and he sits on her bed and she sits by his side.

Alex gives her a hug.

They still don't know why they can touch Julie and only Julie, but they'll have time to figure out her powers later. Now, he enjoys her contact and her arms around him and he lets out a sigh against her ear.

"Thank you."

Julie breaks the hug with another confused smile.

"What are you thanking me for, Alex?" She asks, and Alex rolls his eyes.

"I noticed. What you and your family have been doing for me. The little changes you made in your traditions so I could be- you know- comfortable. You even invited Willie so I could have a good time. You didn't have to, and I appreciate it. So much."

Julie punches him faintly in the shoulder.

"Don't thank me for that, dude. This is our family now, and everyone had to be happy. Of course we had to."

Alex nods a little. "I get that part, I do, but it's just- I know I haven't been enthusiastic about Christmas, while all of you were so excited and happy and I'm sorry I was ruining it."

Julie shakes her head. "I don't know exactly what happened with your family, and it's totally okay if you don't want to tell me. But the guys told me you were having a bad time with it and you could've told us, you know? That you didn't feel like celebrating."

"But everyone was excited, and you and your dad and Carlos shouldn't have to change your plans because of me. But you changed the candles and didn't put up a Nativity set and you didn't go to mass and- and- you didn't have to change anything just because of a couple of bad memories-"

"Alex," Julie says, taking his hand. "I get you. I really do. Last Christmas was- so awful. Mom had died a couple of weeks before and Christmas was her favorite time of the year. And we only had good Christmas memories, but they were all suddenly so sad and painful and we didn't feel like doing anything that reminded us of her. So I understand why you don't want to do things that remind you of your family. But we also have to learn to move on."

Julie's talking so calmly and effortlessly and Alex wonders how the hell she's so smart and wise and- perfect.

"There's a lot of things we used to do with mom that we don't feel ready to do. We probably never will, because it hurts too much doing them without her. So we made changes in our traditions, we are trying to create new memories, with _you_ guys. That's what matters now, the present. And if we let the past stain our chances at happiness, we'll never get to be happy again. Your feelings are totally valid, so that's why you're allowed to change as much as you want to, until you feel comfortable with whatever you're doing. That's how you move on, but that's also how you remember and grow."

Alex doesn't know what to say, so he just nods and licks his lips and stares at Julie.

"Does everything that you remember about Christmas hurts?" Julie continues. "Change it! Play Just Dance and build gingerbread houses and kiss your boyfriend-"

"I don't have a boyfriend," Alex interrupts, and Julie rolls her eyes.

"Kiss your especial friend or whatever. Just know that you're allowed to not want to do something."

Alex nods again.

"How the hell are you so smart?"

Julie chuckles. "I know, I'm the best, you guys are always telling me that. Now let's go downstairs before Luke and Reggie get into a fight and break Carlos' Play Station."

Alex hugs her one more time.

"Thank you," he repeats. "I love you, Jules."

"I love you too."

Alex tells the same thing to Ray a little later, because Ray's been nothing but great to them and Alex really appreciates everything he's done for him. If everyone had a dad as supportive and compassionate and loving as Ray Molina, the world would be a better place.

"You don't have to thank me, Alex." Ray's looking intensely at him, his eyebrows raised and his expression serious. "Don't ever hesitate to tell me if something we do makes you feel bad. And don't ever hesitate about bringing Willie with you, alright? You're family now, we're all a beautiful _familia_ , and unless everyone's comfortable, no one's comfortable, okay?"

"Okay."

Ray nods. "You deserve good things, Alex. All three of you do. Wait, all four of you, Willie too. Don't ever forget that."

Alex's totally not crying.

"Okay."

_"¿Entendido?"_

Alex nods. _"Entendido."_

"Great. Now let's go see what the guys are up to."

In the living room, Luke's carrying Reggie in his shoulders, while Reggie's trying to stick a piece of paper on the ceiling above the stairs.

Ray frowns.

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

Luke and Reggie turn around at the same time, their eyes big and their expressions scared, like they've just been caught stealing something.

"Um-" Reggie answers, shrugging a little. "You know how we couldn't find any mistletoe? Carlos taught me to use the printer and I used it to print the _image_ of some mistletoe. We can all pretend it's real."

"That is _not_ how mistletoe works," Alex says. Willie nudges him with his elbow and he shoots him a grin.

"Let them be. We could definitely use some mistletoe, it's something I've always wanted to do."

Alex feels himself flushing, and he clears his throat a little while he watches Reggie stick the piece of paper to the ceiling.

"Okay, all done!" He lets out in a scream, poofing out of Luke's shoulders.

He appears beside him, with a satisfied grin on his face. "It's perfect."

Luke takes Julie's hand and walks her under the mistletoe, and then he kisses her cheek and Julie giggles and Luke grins like a maniac.

"My turn!" Ray advances towards them and hugs Julie and starts kissing her forehead. _"Feliz Navidad, mi amor."_

"Merry Christmas, _papi_."

 _"Feliz Navidad!"_ Reggie screams in his butchered Spanish, tackling Luke in a hug. Luke laughs and pretends to kiss him and they laugh and Alex rolls his eyes a little.

"Do you wanna go over there?" Willie whispers in his ear, and Alex manages to nod even if he feels like his no-longer-existent heart has gone crazy.

They're all standing in the stairs now, but Alex doesn't care. Willie and him stand up under the mistletoe -the mistletoe print, whatever- and Willie stares at it with a little frown.

"It's this even how mistletoe works?"

"Just kiss me, you idiot."

And Willie does.

So, okay, maybe Alex didn't feel like celebrating at first, because Christmas is still stained with painful memories that used to be happy and because he misses his siblings and his family and he misses the life he was supposed to _still_ have after coming out. But he has a new family now, a bigger, more loving one, and Julie's right, he'll never get to move on if he doesn't create new memories with the people he loves.

Willie's kiss is soft and slow and Alex loves it, so so _so_ much, he thinks he could spend the rest of his afterlife kissing him, but then Ray clears his throat and Alex remembers they're kind of kissing in front of everyone so he takes a step back with what he supposes it's a stupid smile.

"Merry Christmas," he says, because it's the only thing that comes to his mind.

Willie takes his hand and walks them to the couch, where Reggie and Julie are ready to play another song in Just Dance.

Reggie’s right. It's perfect.

"Merry Christmas, Alex."

**Author's Note:**

> this is what I did instead of studying for my finals! Yay!  
> the general idea of the fic comes from elni08 on tumblr!  
> english is not my first language so all mistakes are on me. comments and kudos are really appreciated!  
> find me on tumblr at @sunsetsandcurves


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